Wedding plans (or lack thereof)

Warning: way more than you ever wanted to know about my wedding ideas! Those of you who are married will probably roll your eyes. Or hopefully offer useful suggestions!

People keep asking how the wedding plans are going, and the brief answer is that they are not going at all! We really just can't decide what we want to do, and nothing is really calling to us. We are unsure on just about everything, from venues to actual city locations.

For venues, I really liked my friend Andrea's wedding in Phoenix this summer, where she got married at a natural history museum under a mastodon. She had so many fun sciencey touches and I totally wanted to copy her wedding. I am from the DC area, so I first looked at the Smithsonian museums (Natural History and Air & Space), but sadly they do not allow private parties (except for non-profit groups). My next thought was the American Museum of Natural History in NYC, which is indeed totally rentable for private parties. But alas it is included on many lists of the most expensive places to get married in NYC. 

Also on this list was another choice of ours, the New York Public Library. Thanks to Sex and the City that is in hot demand and definitely out of our price range. 

My mom has hinted that she may be willing to splurge for my dream wedding, but do I really want her to spend that much money? I could buy a small house instead. Or two cars. 

Also on the science museum front, there is a nice New York history (science and otherwise) museum in Albany that has a pretty nice terrace area overlooking downtown Albany.

This museum probably would be doable, and is an option. However, I don't really have any ties to Albany (it is ~1.5 hours north of New Paltz) and it is not a particularly wonderful city. It's not horrible, just not my dream locale, either. It also would be a bit of a trek to drive from northern Virginia, which is a consideration for some of our guests.

One last science-y venue thought was an aquarium. We went to the Long Island Aquarium when we went to the Hamptons last fall, and we had a really good time there. We had already thought of that kind of thing for a venue, and that particular aquarium has been on the TV show Four Weddings twice now that I have seen. It is perhaps just a bit too gimmicky as a venue, though. At least other museums have nice marble-pillared rooms instead of just fish tanks. (And yes, I am watching Four Weddings now - since they film in the NYC area there are a ton of local venues shown, but so far no super inspirations!)

Our next venue thought was something outdoors, like a national or state park. In Virginia there is Great Falls, where we went when we were first getting together. 

The downside to the park is that it is public and they won't reserve spaces. You also can't set up chairs or anything. So you basically just show up, hope no tourists are in your way, stand there and say I do, and leave. The same is true of almost every state park, at least in Virginia, Florida, and New York, anyway. That rules out parks in the Hudson Valley, Central Park in NYC, and the beach parks of Key West. There are some parks in the Catskills which have pavilions you can use, and those are a possible venue that we have considered.

Along those lines, if we were to stay in the Hudson Valley area, we are leaning toward an outdoor rustic barn kind of wedding. There are several barn locations in the area that cater to this kind of thing, and there is one that some friends of ours had an anniversary party at that could be a good choice. 

We also have considered wineries and other similar places in the area. There are also a plethora of cute little inns and such. However, I really wanted a venue that was more personal to us, and not just a wedding factory, as the Hudson Valley seems to be (see the TV show Four Weddings and the NYC area crowd streaming up here).

Earlier I mentioned national parks as well as state parks. The national parks do often have venues for weddings and private parties. Alex and I had a fun time out west this summer touring a lot of them, so that could be a cool idea. Unfortunately many of them seem as though the wedding venue is just an indoor lodge that doesn't necessarily have a particularly good view or location within the park, so you might as well go anywhere. Plus, national parks tend not to be very close to airports, so guest travel would be a consideration.

As you can see, we are still very undecided even about the city. Our initial thought was Key West, as I've mentioned. My mom lives there and it would be a fun destination. I really do like the idea of a destination wedding so that I can spend quality time with my friends. However, with Alex's mom being sick this winter we were unable to go to Key West over our holiday break, so we couldn't set up anything for this summer. This put Key West to the bottom of the list. It also got us thinking about the destination idea in general. It would be pretty expensive for our guests, which we can appreciate, and so it would also mean a much smaller guest list. That is fine, as it would be more quality time with a few people. However, most of our mutual friends are from New Paltz, and we have only known them for a shorter amount of time, so likely none of them would travel too far. That means that the wedding would be mostly close older school friends, but few current friends. We thought about having a reception in New Paltz after we get back, but then really nobody from here would go to the actual wedding.

Alex grew up about an hour and a half away from New Paltz, and he went to college near Albany, also about that far away. That means that if we were to get married in this area it would be very convenient for all of his friends and our current mutual friends. My college friends largely live in Virginia and so could drive up if desired. Grad school friends on both sides would probably have to fly, since they are scattered all around. That is a disadvantage for this area. Travel to New Paltz is not easy. You can fly to NYC and take the train, and then get picked up in Poughkeepsie to drive 20 minutes to New Paltz. Or I guess you could rent a car in NYC and drive 1.5 hours up to New Paltz. This area also doesn't have any decent hotels at all. There is maybe one or two in Poughkeepsie, but that town is not pretty. Everything else is either a Motel 8 or a little tiny inn that could never hold all the wedding guests. There also is the Mohonk Mountain House, which is a fancy resort just outside of New Paltz and would be a logical choice of venue for the whole thing. Unfortunately the guest rooms run about $400/night, so I'm thinking that would be prohibitive for our guests. I suppose I could ask what the wedding specials are, though.

Another downside to having it here is that I lose the fun of a destination. If we do something around here then Alex has suggested that we schedule a plan of events for the week leading up to the wedding to encourage people to come hang out for longer than the weekend. Hiking, trips to NYC, etc. That is possible. I actually looked into some local dude-ranch type places for the wedding venue thinking it would be fun to hang out and play games and such with the guests for a while. (Also kid friendly.) At first Alex scoffed, but it could be fun. 

For travel reasons NYC seems like a nice venue - it is kind of a destination wedding, is easy to travel to, and is pretty local to us and centrally located to our guests. Unfortunately it has a crazy wedding scene and is very expensive. Also, Alex is not really a city guy, so it is not a perfect match to our personalities. Though it would be a fun place to go visit for anniversaries.

The other obvious venue is my hometown in Virginia. We have thought about that, but there really isn't a venue there that is super exciting to me. It would probably mean getting married at an old historic home nearby. That is fine, but as I said not really too exciting. It would also be a little tough to plan from afar, especially with my mom mostly in Key West now. Though I could probably convince her to go up to VA to plan the wedding for a while. Washington, DC obviously is under consideration in the same way, but since most of the museums don't allow weddings that takes away most of my venue thoughts. We would have loved the Library of Congress, but that's a no-go too. I looked up some scientific society buildings, and I think there was one that had a nice dome room popular for weddings, but the room itself had no evidence of science, so it could have been any other pretty place.

Now that the summer is 3-5 months away it seems rather unlikely that we will be able to get married this summer. If I knew what I wanted and could get going on the planning then it could be doable, but that isn't the case. I really don't want to get married in the middle of the school year, because it would mean going back to work immediately, and certainly no honeymoon. However the Hudson Valley in the fall would be lovely, so I suppose it is still on the table. If we are looking at later dates then Key West comes back into the picture. We could go visit this summer and schedule something for later. Perhaps Key West for New Year's Eve? A rustic winter wedding nearby so that people can then do NYE in NYC? I am a little worried that people wouldn't be able to travel so close to the holidays, but as I said before I fear that few people would travel to Key West anyway, so maybe it would work out the same.

In some of the above it may have sounded like I was giving too much thought to guest convenience instead of just going with what I want. But the problem is that I don't know what I want! (And neither does Alex.) I want a unique venue that reflects our personalities, and I want to get the chance to spend quality time with my friends and family. Other than that I don't know. 

The last possibility is to just elope... both of my parents have suggested it, and my dad has said he will give me the wedding money regardless of how we spend it. We are going to Vegas over spring break with the geology department. Perhaps...? But no, I'd be sad not to have a few key people there. Maybe that should guide me with what to do.